Dragon Hall

Anydragon · Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:20 am Post subject: Breaking the News

Breaking the News
By Eredien

So, you've been thinking about telling someone - a family member, maybe, a friend - of your draconity. Most everyone I've talked to has, at some time or another, at least thought about it.
It's hard not to. It's especially hard when you're living in close quarters with someone close to you - parents, roommates, a significant other - who you're afraid might find out by accident. You want them to know. You feel like they need to know - they're not getting the whole you, the real you. You don't feel as if you're being genuine. But you're afraid they won't understand, or worse, refuse to understand. For a long time you take the middle road: thinking about what might happen if you told whomever.
So you think about what you fear might happen. You're afraid you might be kicked out - of your home, your place of worship, your 'regular life' in general. You're afraid friends will shun you, your family will abandon you, your boyfriend or girlfriend will leave you.
And you think about the opposite reaction. The ways in which you'd like it to happen - your family and friends, loving and supportive. 'Perhaps', you whisper to yourself in the back of your mind, 'perhaps one of them is a dragon, or a furry….'
And you wish, and you hope, and you dream. One moment you are terrfied of someone finding out. The next moment, you wish that they had, just so that you could be over with the charade.
Maybe, though, one day, you get fed up with it. Or you get sick of living in fear. Or there comes a time where people almost find out by accident, and think, "that was way too close for comfort."
For whatever reason, you make a choice: I am going to tell them what I am. I am going to tell it to them in the way I need and want to explain it, where and when I choose. This is going to be on my own terms.
Congratulations. You've just taken your first step towards telling others of your draconity.
Now comes the tricky part: doing it.

Note: The following ideas and tips are based on my own personal experience, as well as listening to the ideas and experiences of others for a number of years. Please read with this in mind.

There are several factors involved in any revelation of draconity. First and foremost, the person whom you are telling. Secondly, the time at which you plan to tell them about your draconity. Then, there is the way in which you tell your story. Finally, there is the way in which you think the person will react to your story.
The most important factor that I've found in the people I am telling is trust. Do you trust them to keep what you've told them confidental? (Unless that's not what you want them to do, of course.) If you have the slightest doubt in their ability to hold true to their word, I'd suggest holding off, at least for a while. Or, alternatively, you could tell them, and deal with the potential consequences. That's a messy route that I'd rather not take, though it might be right for someone else. Keep in mind that a parent, say, views you in a different way from a friend or a significant other, and be aware how the views that different people may have already formed about you might be further affected by your revelation.
There are three main ways of telling people about your draconity, timing-wise.
You can go straight out: "I'm a dragon," and encourage them to ask questions.
You can bring it up naturally. This is much more useful with people who you tend to talk well with anyway. It's a bit hard to judge, perhaps, when it might be an appropriate time to bring up the topic. Here's a few times that I think might make good starting points:

If the person you are trying to tell already knows a bit about the "furry subculture". Perhaps they draw anthro animals. Perhaps they've bumped into a few at a science-fiction convention here or there. One caveat: try to find out their attitude on the aformentioned culture before simply mentioning that you are part of it. Nasty mistakes can be avoided in this way.
If you're already talking about rather metaphysical things like, 'what, exactly, constitutes a soul?'
Not everyone has discussions about "what constitues a soul," of course. Smile

But if you really listen to what's going on about you, sooner or later, you will find a good place to slip it into the conversation.
You can bring it up obliquely, by starting off with getting people to notice the fact that you really like dragons. Maybe you have a dragon poster-collection. Maybe you write poems about dragons, or research historical portrayals of dragons. If someone comments on these things, you can take it from there.
One more factor is the way in which you tell your story. You may want to clarifiy your own views before attempting to explain them to someone else. You might want to write things down. Try a few methods, and find one that works for you.
Another important thing is the way in which you think people will react to your story. If you know the person you are trying to tell regularly volunteers with the gay-rights group, they *may* be a better bet than, say, someone who doesn't understand interracial dating. Note the use of the word may - this doesn't hold true in all circumstances.
It depends on each individual person. Always.
A recap: if you've made that decision to finally tell someone of your draconity, keep in mind who you're telling it to, the timing of when you are telling it, the way in which you tell them about it, and their potential reactions to it.
I hope this helps at least a few people. Please feel free to send in questions, comments, stories, and good advice of your own. If I like it, I might even put some of it up here. Smile

And good luck.

http://www.weyr.org/drp/news.html